Focus

Stephanie Here...

Mr. Owl woke me up today in the tree right outside my window. Another reminder that God is present and also that my Poppy is not here....still. It is certainly hard getting used to. So, I find myself with two things going on simultaneously. The focus of being God's beloved daughter, living in delight, being delighted in, peace, rest and simplicity. AND the focus of missing my Poppy so very much, watering without his footsteps behind me, no tea dates in the morning, missing the sound of his voice and the feel of his hands. I miss the texture of him. The chasm he leaves is so very big because the life he lived was so very deep. He filled every inch of this place. His absence is something I just cannot get used to and many days I have a hard time fathoming.

Focus...

It is like two train tracks running in my mind at the same time, the track of knowing I am the beloved and live in promise and the track of memories, longing, and missing my Poppy. They are both running. Sometimes I camp out on the Poppy train and after a while that train does not take me into healing places. The train of God's promises, on the other hand, does. This train takes me into true focus where everything seems so clear and so lovely and where life happens and life is restored. My Poppy rides with me on this train, he is most vivid to me here. It is the path to newness and life.

A few days ago I was rearranging the desk that we shared in the office, Poppy and I. I was going through all his notes, projects and papers. Enjoying seeing his handwritten notes everywhere and making files for them. I also got an "office kitty" to live in there and share my desk with me. She is gray and soft and wonderful. I made a bulletin board of pictures of my dad throughout his life but especially life at the nursery along with sayings he always said to me. I figured on long hot summer days when I am sitting there I can look up there and always be reminded how close he is and how much he taught me. When I finished up that day I said to Poppy..."I'm living Poppy, I am going to live."

2 Cor. 1:20 says, "For no matter how many promises God has made they are YES in Jesus."

I am living by so many promises and digesting them daily and reminding myself of them daily. Because focus is the key and 5 minutes away from Jesus as the focus and it's like a train wreck, literally.

Focus...

Video Greetings from Al My Pal

The dinner celebration for Pop last night was absolutely beautiful!  More than 200 people gathered for a special meal and to share memories and tributes to his great loving life and to bring glory to God.  We'll have some video footage from the dinner available here on the blog later, but for now please enjoy these videos:

Al reflects about Love and Life:

A Photo Montage of Al's Life and Journey:

The Ripple Effect

Kirby here...

Never before has it felt so pungently real how brief our lives on earth really are.  I have studied Al's life more intensely these past few weeks than I ever had before, and my respect for him is off the charts.  He lived and loved so very well.

And the effect of his life surfaces in the tears and loving words of so many people who have spoken up these past weeks- people I've never met.  The twinkle in Al's eye and his encouraging words and his ability to see the best in us makes him larger than life.

And living a "larger than life" life starts with the thousand small decisions we make every day: how we speak to our wives and children, how we are kind to total strangers, how we engage with our friends and invest our time and energy into relationships.

Everything else will either rot or burn or get eaten by mice.

Throw a stone in a lake and watch the ripples to its very edges.  I'm watching how Al's stones of love thrown in the lake of life are lapping up along the shore at my feet...

Up

Lana here....

Every day we have choices to make...some menial, some carry more weight. I can choose sadness or delight and joy. It is a choice. To walk that out is sometimes a moment by moment determination. Depending on what I choose determines the reality of my day.

Al never hung onto negativity, especially in dealing with people. He gave great weight to his words and so he meant what he said and said what he meant....his no's were no and his yeses were yes.  So, this past week I had it on my heart to watch the movie UP, which I thought was seemingly odd. Ben and Britton decided to spend the night last evening and I asked them to bring that movie over. It is a beautiful love story on many levels, Carl, a retired balloon salesman  and his wife Ellie, and Carl and Russell an eight year old wanna be explorer. Ellie has kept a scrape book of all her "stuff I want to do" but, sadly, she passes away before they are able to do the one big trip to South America. The lovely ending, which was what spoke to my heart, is in the back of  her  book  and she has written "thanks for the adventure....now you go find a new one."

My question has become "what do you want to be for me in this God?" And everyday He shows "up". And it is enough......

An Extra Glass

Stephanie Here...

Last night was New Year's Eve. A friend brought us some champagne and we were eager to have some along with a delicious serving of lasagna. I russelled up some glasses and poured the bubbly. As Kirby was handing them out we realized I had poured one too many. It was Poppy's glass. I included him, as I always do, without even thinking twice about it. Tears came when in a split second I realized that he is not here.

But he IS included. He is still in all the moments of our lives even now. We see his smile in our minds eye, hear his laugh, repeat his famous sayings and sense his wisdom. He will always be included because of the time and impact he made on our souls, our deep souls.

The cork from the champagne toast we did in the hospital with Poppy.

Today is the beginning of a new year, new things, new memories.