Focus

Stephanie Here...

Mr. Owl woke me up today in the tree right outside my window. Another reminder that God is present and also that my Poppy is not here....still. It is certainly hard getting used to. So, I find myself with two things going on simultaneously. The focus of being God's beloved daughter, living in delight, being delighted in, peace, rest and simplicity. AND the focus of missing my Poppy so very much, watering without his footsteps behind me, no tea dates in the morning, missing the sound of his voice and the feel of his hands. I miss the texture of him. The chasm he leaves is so very big because the life he lived was so very deep. He filled every inch of this place. His absence is something I just cannot get used to and many days I have a hard time fathoming.

Focus...

It is like two train tracks running in my mind at the same time, the track of knowing I am the beloved and live in promise and the track of memories, longing, and missing my Poppy. They are both running. Sometimes I camp out on the Poppy train and after a while that train does not take me into healing places. The train of God's promises, on the other hand, does. This train takes me into true focus where everything seems so clear and so lovely and where life happens and life is restored. My Poppy rides with me on this train, he is most vivid to me here. It is the path to newness and life.

A few days ago I was rearranging the desk that we shared in the office, Poppy and I. I was going through all his notes, projects and papers. Enjoying seeing his handwritten notes everywhere and making files for them. I also got an "office kitty" to live in there and share my desk with me. She is gray and soft and wonderful. I made a bulletin board of pictures of my dad throughout his life but especially life at the nursery along with sayings he always said to me. I figured on long hot summer days when I am sitting there I can look up there and always be reminded how close he is and how much he taught me. When I finished up that day I said to Poppy..."I'm living Poppy, I am going to live."

2 Cor. 1:20 says, "For no matter how many promises God has made they are YES in Jesus."

I am living by so many promises and digesting them daily and reminding myself of them daily. Because focus is the key and 5 minutes away from Jesus as the focus and it's like a train wreck, literally.

Focus...